When it
comes to coaching, nearly every elephant in the room is birthed from conflict,
but given that conflict is on a spectrum and something we both need and
avoid--sometimes it is really confusing as to whether we should call the
elephant out or chase it away.
Perhaps
the most familiar conflict is unhealthy conflict. It is part of human
relationships and we’ve all experienced it at one time or another in our
personal lives. Since conflict is nearly unavoidable, how you approach
the conflict is key. I personally come from a conflict-avoidant household and
this arena of coaching continues to make me uncomfortable, but over time I have
come to realize that avoiding conflict will build a wall between a team and
progress towards their goals.
Elena Aguilar
offers three suggestions for “Managing Conflict in Leadership Teams” (the
unhealthy kind).
First she
suggests we name the conflict. Since conflict makes many people
uncomfortable, it may seem easier to avoid and make attempts to move on, but by
calling out the conflict, you can talk through the root cause and potentially
eliminate it. Perhaps, for example, the conflict resides in resources. I
remember working with an ELA team that was experiencing conflict. Initially I
thought it had to do with personalities. Eventually we were able to call out
that some team members felt that the department chair wasn’t dispersing funds
for classroom libraries in an equitable manner. In reality, the two
teachers that appeared to be receiving more books had individually applied for
and won a small grant to supplement their library. They shared the application
with other team members and the conflict quickly subsided.
The next
strategy Aguilar offers is assessing the conflict and making a decision to
address it in the moment or later. This is especially important if you
are working with teams and the conflict appears to be between two people. Is it
possible to move the meeting forward and circle back to the two team members at
a later date?
Keeping
norms at the center of every meeting can be a valuable corner stone in managing
conflict. Reminding a team members about a specific norm feels less
threatening and personal than calling out an individual.
While
unhealthy conflict can act as a divisive wrench in a team’s plan, productive
conflict can propel them towards achieving truly transformational work.
The
article, “Building a Culture that Nurtures Productive Conflict” focuses
on creating an environment for productive conflict to thrive. By setting
up a team with expectations and boundaries for conflict to live, and even be
encouraged, teams will feel safe to learn and make mistakes.
The
article starts with a quote: “If
you have learned how to disagree without being disagreeable, then you have discovered
the secret of getting along-whether it be in business, family relations, or
life itself.”
The three key ingredients mentioned are:
- a shared purpose
- norms
- protocols for when the norms are
broken
Protocols are for when the norms are often overlooked, but
then the norms may just become words on paper. The team must commit to
live them. It doesn’t need to be anything creative. It could be as simple as
rapping on the table as a reminder or stating, “don’t forget norm seven.”
Besides being intentional about the environment, a team must
also be sure that there is clear communication, positive attitude and valued
contributions.
Transparency goes hand-in-hand with communication. Team
members need to know what is really happening so they can make informed
contributions to the conversation; not assumptions.
The author ends this article with the quote, ““Team leaders
who step back to avoid conflict
are not living up to their obligation in allowing a diversity
of thought and channeling it into productivity.”
Both of these resources provided helpful strategies in
creating and maintaining an environment that thwarts unhealthy conflict in
favor of productive. While this is a great foundation, all teams will
eventually face moments of unproductive conflict.
Sometimes the best way to circumvent unproductive conflict is
to continually redirect negative conversations. Negativity can act like a
seed of conflict and when left unattended too long, it will likely rear its
weedy head. Let’s look at a few moves you can make as a coach when a
conversation turns negative. These are adapted from an article by Kathleen
Kelly Reardon in the Harvard Business Review. She calls them the “R-List”
The first one takes a little practice, but I find myself
using this one constantly; especially when working with teams.
Rephrase- When someone makes a
negative statement, rephrase what they are saying in a less negative way.
If someone states, “We can’t spend time looking at student
writing when we have so many essays to grade.”
A coach may respond, “I’m hearing that you see the importance
of examining student writing as a PLC when there is time to do so.”
If a principal says, “We wouldn’t have so many behavior
problems if parents were more involved in their kids’ lives.”
You may rephrase, “I’m hearing that you may want to look at
providing more family engagement opportunities.”
The next move, request is all about my secret weapon
question. In the role of a coach you should always assume positive
intent. That said, when a negative statement is made without much
thought, staying fixed in that positive intent can prove difficult. Coaches
are still human! Whenever I feel a crack forming in my glass ceiling of
positive intent I throw out one of the following two questions, “Would you
clarify what you meant for me?” or simply, “Tell me more.” Often just
asking someone to pause and think about what they had just said (and how they
said it) is enough to get them to rethink what they intended to say.
No matter how high-functioning a team is, they will likely
eventually encounter something that will challenge their dynamics. One
challenge in education, is that teams are often very fluid, with team members
moving grade-levels or schools. If allowed, change in membership of even one
person can derail a historically successful team. Team make-up is not the
only challenge, however. Sometimes teams are charged with a new challenge that
requires them to approach each other differently. Whatever the case, this may
be an opportunity for a coach to revisit a past success. When team
membership shifts, the focus often becomes about people instead of the work.
Taking time to remember a past success shifts the focus and brings new
members into the fold--they will hear about the great work accomplished in the
past and want to experience some of that same success. I had been working
with a biology PLC for two years and they had developed into a model team for
the entire school. They had a shared vision and leadership and held students at
the center of every conversation. They didn’t shy away from data and were
willing to have difficult conversations. About a year later the PLC lead
approached me and asked if I could sit in a few meetings. I was happy to reconnect
with the team, but was in shock about the tone of the meeting. The
district had purchased a new curriculum and no one on the team approved of the
selection. Essentially they were stalled out in their emotions. I asked if we
could shift the agenda for the day and said, “This is not the first time this
team has had to address non-negotiables they didn’t agree with. Can we
think back to some of those.” The group recalled a few and I jotted them down
on the board. Then I asked them to isolate one which was particularly trying to
wrestle with. We talked through how they were able to incorporate the ask in a
meaningful, even favorable way. At that point the group felt better-equipped to
turn back to the task at hand.
Personal concerns can muck up the process so when summarizing
a difficult conversation, you might steer clear of negativity by reorganizing
the group’s priorities. There is an easy phrase to use here to bring
the focus back to the goal. “Everyone seems to be in agreement with the
WHAT, we are just struggling with the HOW.” At this point, if possible, I
prefer to table the discussion for a future meeting. I will ask each individual
to make a list prior to the next meeting of individual hows and team hows.
Ideally, I will circle back to as many team members on an individually
basis either face-to-face or virtually to speak through their individual hows
so the next team conversation can be open and clear.
Alright, we’ve taken a look at four coaching moves you can
use to refocus the attitude and hopefully avoid unproductive conflict.
Below you will find two scenarios for you to think through how you might
initiate a shift in the team’s thinking.
Scenario 1:
You’ve
been working with a leadership team at a district for several weeks. Their data
shows large and persistent achievement gaps in reading and math between their
English proficient students and their students who are English learners. They
have been charged with coming up with a plan in order to address this.
As they
begin a discussion, one of the leaders says, “Of course our English learners
are behind. The only time most of them speak English is at school; and even
then, we are really lenient in allowing them to speak in their home language
with their peers. I understand we are trying to be culturally responsive, but I
don’t see how the gaps are ever going to close if we don’t start requiring them
to use their English more.”
What
coaching move might you try and what phrase would you use to initiate a shift
in attitude and hopefully avoid unproductive conflict? (Rephrase, request,
revisit, reorganize?)
Scenario 2:
You are
working with a leadership team at a district as they engage in root cause analysis.
One of the critical problems they have identified is that they have
disproportionality in office discipline referrals between their white students
and their Black and African American students. Specifically, for students in
grades Kindergarten-4th grade, the Black and African American students in their district
are 2.5 times more likely to receive an office discipline referral than the
white students in their district.
As the
leadership team hypothesizes potential root causes for this disproportionality,
one of the leaders states, “It makes me sad that it’s always the students of
color who are misbehaving...”
What
coaching move might you try and what phrase would you use to initiate a shift
in attitude and hopefully avoid unproductive conflict? (Rephrase, request,
revisit, reorganize?)
I wanted
to leave you today with one last expert on conflict: Patrick
Lencioni’s work and the conflict continuum. Notice in the image that Lencioni illustrates that the optimal amount of conflict is directly
on the border between productive and unproductive--this is why it is so
difficult to coach around. It is like trying to find a needle (or
elephant) in a haystack.
